Why we stopped asking each other anything

On broadcasting, trust, and why we've forgotten how to listen

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“People around me rarely ask me what I’m working on, and it just feels like they are always talking about themselves.”

I hear this a lot from people.

Especially from other creatives and artists.

Why do we have people around us who rarely ask about what's important to us? What we're working on, what excites us at the moment, or simply listen when we share

For this article, I’ve been a bit on an enquiry.

I spoke to friends and listened to their opinions and reflected on my life experience.

And here are a few things that came up as possible answers.

Obsession with broadcasting over receiving

In Stolen Focus, Johann Hari speaks about how our generation is constantly ‘broadcasting ’, and we just stopped receiving.

This strongly resonated with me.

In a world where entrepreneurship has become more possible (which I think it’s lovely!), and people are longing for more freedom, there is a strong need to be seen, recognised, and to be heard above the noise.

But at what cost?

This act of broadcasting happens on social media, but not only.

In a productivity-centred society, every moment is a good moment to optimise our time, find new opportunities, and sell our products and skills.

This leads to my second answer.

The erosion of trust

“Unless we're true friends and you've seen me be vulnerable, I don't trust you. And if you're especially nice and kind? I trust you even less — you clearly have an agenda, and you're probably just waiting to exploit me.”

Unfortunately, I heard these beliefs way too often, in different environments and on different occasions.

We are living in a society experiencing a decline in trust.

We may not realise, but this lack of trust has a huge impact on our lives.

Our world may feel like it’s shrinking. We become more cynical. More anxious.

And possibly this decline of trust is the byproduct of a growth-centred society that always encourages us to ‘get somewhere’, to want ‘more’.

If someone is different, they invalidate my life

The phenomenon of similarity-attraction, coined by Byrne in the 60s, talks about the tendency for humans to connect with people who share similar attitudes and beliefs.

I am sure we can all relate to that.

What I personally found over the years is that growth also comes from conversations with people whose lives, beliefs, or choices look nothing like ours.

Not always easy to have conversations with people we disagree with, but genuinely a great place to expand and learn from each other.

This is why, for example, when we travel, spending time with other cultures can truly open our world.

Social media amplifies the similarity-attraction phenomenon.

A review of over 90 studies on the topic found that social media's recommendation systems consistently create echo chambers, feeding us more of what we already believe and amplifying the divide. The algorithm isn't neutral — it has a stake in maintaining and strengthening our views.

Moreover, humans also tend to be victims of the so-called ‘choice-supportive bias’ whereby we unconsciously need to validate past decisions, so contradictory evidence (someone happy doing the opposite) feels threatening rather than just neutral information.

So the possibility here is that not asking about what the other person is doing or working on - especially when very different from us - is a way to avoid inner conflict, questions about our own life and having to validate ourselves. Less asking means more familiarity, but also less internal work for us, and of course, less expansion in our self-awareness

We’re overloaded and lonely

This has come up a lot for people, and I see it in myself too.

In a world where information is available 24/7 and it’s also one of the most precious things, we are overloaded beings.

Afraid or unable to be in silence, we fear boredom.

And so we overload ourselves with more to do.

More information to take in.

More goals to accomplish.

We become more self-centred because there isn’t much time to do anything else.

And more lonely.

Since we haven’t practised being in silence or alone, anxiety and depression are often associated with being alone.

It doesn’t need to be this way.

Being alone allows us to pause, integrate, and reflect.

To soften our views.

To pause.

To make informed choices.

To simply remain present as life goes on.

It doesn’t need to go this way

Whether you resonated with this article or not, maybe there is something we can all do.

Here are some suggestions for all of us, next time you encounter a colleague, an acquaintance, or a stranger at the shop

✨ Start a conversation with an open question. Play a game with yourself: how long can you stay in the conversation without talking about yourself? Keep leading with open questions. Practice active listening.

✨ Share your experience when you feel people aren’t listening or asking. What feelings are you experiencing?

✨ Put your phone away when you are with another human. Not flipped on the desk. Fully away.

✨ Practice trust.

✨ Observe how you feel listening to someone who lives in a way that is completely opposite to yours? What feelings come up?

✨ Make art about all this and share in the comments.

Let me know your thoughts

Leti 💓

P.S I am a certified ICF coach, and if you are looking for support during a transition you’re going through, you can book a coffee chat to learn more about the work I do with people.