Triggering events that become elixir for growth
Grateful to have something to write about..
🌱 Happy Spring!
Today’s newsletter is a bit different.
I am using a new email marketing tool… I’m going to give it a try and see how it works. The truth is that I have been looking for something simpler, more blog-like, where people can also read past issues - should they want to. With this new tool, you can also comment on the posts, which I think it’s exciting!
My publication is called ‘HOW I FEEL BEHIND THE SCENES’, and the idea is to share with you more personal stories.
I share with you today a very vulnerable experience that I had recently. It talks about an event like many of you might have experienced, which impacted me and inspired me to write a song about boundaries! About saying no and always going back to what works truly for ourselves.
I am drawn to share more about my creative process and how my songs are born; writing comes naturally to me and is an easy way to talk about what’s happening inside. So I hope to be able to share more of these newsletters with you all.
If you want to listen to my music, please know that it means the world to me. Taking 3-4 min to enjoy some music make artists so happy.
Triggering events are a pain. But they are also an excellent opportunity to learn more about ourselves.
I had a very triggering day.
I was about to say 'awful', and then I stopped myself. I tend to dramatise and make everything more significant than what it is.
The funny thing is that what I am about to share genuinely impacted me today. And it was significant. And knowing that I tend to dramatise things is sometimes counterproductive as I end up justifying behaviours around me that, deep inside, I know aren't acceptable.
The truth is that my day started well.
And looking back at it right now, I could argue that this could be one of the best days ever. At least for my growth.
A week ago, I promised myself I'd take on being even more straight and direct than I am with people. Why? I easily fall into the 'nice' girl who doesn't like to upset others, raise issues, or make a big deal of things. When funny enough, they are.
Most of the time, I am one of those overthinkers-ruminator-who-easily-thinks-something-is-wrong-with-her.
Years of therapy and coaching made my life easier. I became pretty good at catching myself when falling into these patterns, and I learned to become more compassionate with myself. And I think that compassion is the word of the week for me. It is a truly magical act we can take towards ourselves, and things transform when we are more forgiving with ourselves.
I find it sad and weird and yet so human when we stop being compassionate with ourselves and instead have all the attention for what other people think.
Anyway… let’s go back to my day…
When you are open to expanding, life always has something in store for you….
Remember I said I would want to try to be more direct? Life always has something in store for you when you are open to learning.
I had an incident with a person who behaved inappropriately and rudely toward me, and no one - in the group conversation we were in - stood up to say anything. Not even the person who knew the exact facts and knew I wasn't saying everything to 'protect' and be loyal to them.
Loyalty and kindness are probably my most important values in life. At that moment, they got violated, and wow, that impacted me.
Unfortunately, some incidents like this one ruin things between two people, and they change things as the trust isn't there anymore.
I tend to always find the good in people, and I genuinely find a lot of goodness in both people. The person who led the inappropriate conversation and the one who didn't stand up for me (probably because of fear or simply politics).
But the truth is that something clicked for me today. A precise moment where I understood that that way of speaking to me would have never worked anymore.
In the group conversation, I told the main interlocutor that this comment didn't work and was inappropriate, especially in a group set-up. I said it in front of everyone, and it felt so revolutionary for me.
I felt proud of being able to respond in a calm, present and straightforward way while my anger was boiling inside me and the shame was making my cheeks red. Looking back, it wasn't the perfect response. I know that. But today, I compliment myself for saying something and just not 'smiling' at it.
I wish I also told there and then that I felt bullied and shamed in front of everyone. Later on, in a one-to-one conversation, with no drama, I reiterated that the behaviour really didn't work and that their comments and way of being undermined me and my work.
I cannot tell you how incredible it felt to be so authentic and fearless.
I told them that the other person in the group didn't say anything despite knowing the facts.
To be completely honest, I wasn't ready to say much more. I find that silence sometimes is more powerful. Especially in moments where you feel like you could just end up going down your pattern of ‘playing the nice girl’. So I got quiet.
My interlocutor was quick enough to softly apologise and shift the conversation. Again, I think they are a fundamentally a nice person, but somehow something really went off for me at that moment.
I left the conversation feeling a mix of anger, frustration and liberation, freedom, clarity and empowerment. Can you relate?
What can we be responsible for?
(sorry if this question might be a bit triggering…)
Why do we - and I say 'we' because I am 100% sure that there are people who feel the same - why do we let others disrespect us? Indeed, a part of us can take responsibility for how we show up in the world for this to happen. I asked myself this question.
Most of the time, I am a joyful person, very grateful about my life, and despite being an introvert, I love connecting with people, and it's not a secret that I am primarily a happy person. I assume that this love for life, vibrancy, signals to some people that they can push boundaries with me, they can be rude to me and that I can take anything. That lightheartedness gives them the right to wash their dirty clothes and use me like a washing machine.
Well, it's time to put boundaries.
And now, as I was reflecting on what happened, I feel so empowered thinking about how refreshing it is for me to up my game when it comes to putting boundaries.
About my songwriting…
Now you might ask yourself… what has this to do with music?
This introspective side of me is why I write, reflect, and sing. It is the reason why I am an artist: I need a place to let go, decompress and telling stories is my relief valve.
I am grateful to have my writing, songs, and voice. To have you who enthusiastically read through this newsletter with kind greed.
So, sharing this story with you today might be the prelude to a new song around the importance of putting boundaries. The importance of saying no and choosing what works for us.
At the end of the day, nothing comes from blaming others. It is good to feel the anger, the shame. Like my friend Christina says, BE WITH IT. But then it's about transforming all this. It is about going beyond the blame for others. It's about nurturing that connection with ourselves so that it becomes clearer and clearer what works and doesn't work for us and how we can show up in the world in the most authentic way.
If you feel inspired to listen to some of my music, please visit my website after reading this.
Thank you for taking the time to read my stories.
Love, Leti ✨