I have been singing for a lifetime!
I have always loved music, and singing has always been one of my favourite activities.
When I was a kid, my mum gifted me my first CDs.
She wasn’t a Jazz lover, but she chose a few albums from Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, Nina Simone, Barry White and B. B. King after seeing the beautiful limited edition tin box they were in. (I wish I had some photos to share with you!)
I loved Jazz from the moment I heard it.
My favourite was Ella. There was something about her voice so beautiful, elegant and at the same time nostalgic. Listening to her voice made me day-dreaming.
When I grew up, my taste expanded! I remember falling for Avril Lavigne’s album ‘Let Go’, which I often heard, Alicia Key’s ‘Songs in a Minor’ and the Spice Girls. I also loved listening to Italian singers like Laura Pausini and Gianna Nannini.
However, no matter what music I listened to, I always returned to the soulful voices of Ella and Alicia, who remained my favourites over the years. Something in African-American music resonated so deeply in me, and still, nowadays, the effect is there.
Growing up, I studied vocal techniques and completed a degree in vocal performance. Though I learned how to use my voice and create different sounds, I felt so distant from my voice when I finished my studies.
I realised I was still attached to trying to sound like someone else instead of embracing my own.
I was following the agenda of my inner critic, who wanted my voice to sound different from the one I had. Who thought my natural voice wasn’t good enough, and who was constantly comparing me to other people.
My inner critic thought my voice was too childish, thin, and gentle and lacked grit and personality.
I wanted to be like my idols, but I forgot that for my sound to be authentic, I had to acknowledge that more elements were at play. I had to welcome and integrate all the different aspects of my identity.
At a certain point, around my late twenties, something just clicked within me.
When you intellectually understand something, nothing changes until you fully GET it into your body and awareness. It’s like a moment of recognition. It’s not an external understanding but an internal moment of Self-recognition.
I know you can understand because we all experience moments like this in our lives, when after weeks or years something just clicks!
That’s when I realised I had to spend time loving my voice. Nurturing what I had, finding the truth in it. I had to create space for my voice to come out exactly how she was. That’s when I realised that my voice was also what I listened to for years.
Like all of us, I am a mixture of experiences, moments, and genres I like. I knew all those years spent listening to Jazz music, but Avril Lavigne (eh eh) would help me find my authentic direction.
I started integrating my body-awareness experience from my Yoga practice with my vocal techniques. I began chanting mantras and moving away from the idea that my voice had to sound in a specific voice. I stopped imitating and instead focused on becoming a vessel for my voice to flow through.
I kept listening to my favourite albums, Ella, Alicia, Whitney Houston etc… they kept inspiring me but in a new way.
Looking back… what a journey has been and is still ongoing.
Like many things in life, the journey is never outside!
My voice helps me tell stories, digest and transform emotions when I am overwhelmed and hopefully touch the hearts of those who resonate with it.
Years later, I am proud of my voice.
Yes, I sometimes struggle listening to my recordings, especially when I have to sign off new mixes. I learnt, though, to be kind and be present. Most of the judgements come from a fixed idea that my voice should be in a different way than what it is.
Everything opens up like magic when I let go of any restrictive thought.
Ps. Did you know I am facilitating a course about Your Self Expressed Voice? It’s on Saturday 30th September and I can’t wait! Link here.