Celebrating my journey...
This is the story of how I came back to make music after years of doing everything but that.
I always loved performing.
I remember having this thought, sometimes in my teenage years, during a performance: "I feel so happy. There is nothing like this".
When I perform, I am fully present. And there is so much beauty in being present.
There is no judgment, no overthinking; there is a pure connection between myself and the audience. Music is magical, and it quickly speaks to people's hearts, no matter their origin, culture, background or belief system.
Since that moment in my teenage years, lots of things have happened. Something, in particular, occurred in my mid-20s that deeply impacted me and my confidence. Unfortunately, at the time, I didn't have the mental set-up and capacity to deal with it powerfully. I let it sink within me, and for a moment, I had the illusion that not thinking about it would make the pain disappear.
It took me years to digest, elaborate and forgive myself. And forgiveness is something that takes time. I learnt to love my journey, although I must admit that I wish I had acted differently. And now, when the intermittent sense of regret from time to time, I try to embrace it with sweetness and kindness. I've learnt that we can't blame ourselves for our past choices, but we can stay open to transformation. I also learnt that talking and singing about it is healing for me, and that's also one of the reasons I started this new way of writing newsletters.
For three of four years since these impactful events, I pretended that music wasn't indeed my passion. I wasn't listening to new music cause it was too painful to admit that I wanted to sing and write and perform, and I wasn't doing it.
I made friends who weren't musicians to make sure I hadn't to deal with pain when seeing other songwriters living their passion.
I set my life up so that I could avoid the pain! 😕
What a mistake!
Pain can indeed be cathartic when transformed. I recently wrote a song about finding beauty in the most painful moment and learning to be with it.
In those four years, I used to tell myself, 'It's time to grow up' or 'I am too old to make music. But is there a time that it's too late to make art? Not really. Though I told myself a story, I thought I could believe it. And now this story can get sticky at times!
Time passed, and finally, I took the courage to deal with my demons. It's still very much work in progress, but it's been so good.
Back in 2016, my dear friend Christina asked me to sing at her wedding years ago. And wow, that was a moment I'll never forget. Not sure Christina knows how impactful that moment was for me.
I remember singing Girls just wanna have fun as she walked down the aisle. I love that song.
There's a verse in the song that says: 'Some boys take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the rest of the world, I wanna be the one who walks in the sun...'
This sentence moves me so much! (still now as I am writing)
A serendipity moment: as Christina was walking toward her future husband, I was singing those lyrics, and at that moment, we were the ones who were walking in the sun. I just knew that I could never let go of my music again!
In that magical Moroccan Riad, I got to be who I am while witnessing a wonderful, magical moment in my friend's life. I was so happy. For the immense beauty of the wedding, the love between my two friends. I was grateful for that special moment when my voice came to life again.
That moment changed things for me.
I knew I had to make music again.
From this new rediscovered space, I started writing again.
Oltre - released in early 2021, carries the weight, joys and pain of all the years that brought me here.
It's the gateway to a new era, and I am so proud. Now that it's a year since Oltre came out, I couldn't be prouder.
If you haven't listened to Oltre, why not immerse yourself in it now? It's an Italian song, but I suspect you won't need to understand the lyrics to get the message I want to share. You can listen to it here.
If you like it, consider purchasing it here.
With love, Leti